Part 4 of 5 in a series on Coaching Through Uncertainty and Emotional Strain
About this series
This five-part series on Coaching Through Uncertainty and Emotional Strain explores how coaches working across a range of settings and sectors can support clients when life feels unstable, emotionally demanding or uncertain. It offers practical, psychologically informed ways to create safety, work with what is present, support steadiness, and help people reconnect with agency before moving into action.
Eight Coaching Shifts for Working with Emotional Strain
When clients bring uncertainty and emotional strain into coaching, the coach may need to adjust how they work.
The core skills of coaching still matter:
- Listening
- Contracting
- Questioning
- Reflecting
- Supporting awareness
- Enabling responsibility
- Encouraging action
But these skills need to be applied with greater emotional attunement.
The emphasis shifts from moving quickly towards solutions to creating the conditions in which the client can become steady enough to think, choose and act.
Here are eight coaching shifts that can help.
1. Over-index on psychological safety
When a client is under strain, psychological safety becomes central. The client needs to feel able to speak honestly without pressure to perform, be positive or have answers.
This means the coach should pay careful attention to:
- Boundaries
- Confidentiality
- Time
- Consent
- Pacing
These practical elements create emotional containment. Safety is not only created through warmth; it is also created through clarity.
Useful coach language might include:
- “You don’t have to have this worked out before we begin.”
- “We can start exactly where you are.”
- “Would it be helpful to agree what would feel most useful and safe to focus on today?”
Edmondson’s work on psychological safety reminds us that people think, learn and contribute more openly when they feel safe enough to speak honestly (Edmondson, 2018).
2. Accept and stay with the current state
Coaching often has a future orientation. But when someone is distressed or overwhelmed, it can be valuable to stay with the present before moving to action.
The coach can begin with here-and-now questions:
- “How are you arriving today?”
- “What feels most present?”
- “What are you noticing in yourself as you talk about this?”
Acceptance does not mean passivity. It means making room for the client’s current reality so that action, when it comes, is grounded rather than reactive. Acceptance-based approaches such as ACT highlight the importance of acknowledging internal experience while moving towards values-based action (Harris, 2019).
3. Frame and validate emotions and transitions
Clients often need help to understand their reactions as human responses to uncertainty, pressure or change.
A coach might say:
- “Given what you are carrying, it makes sense that you feel this way.”
- “That sounds like a lot of change to absorb.”
- “It may be that part of you is still letting go of how things were.”
Bridges’ transition model is useful here because it distinguishes external change from internal transition. People often need time to let go, move through the uncertain middle, and begin to orient towards something new (Bridges, 2004).
Validation helps reduce shame. It gives the client permission to see their response as understandable rather than as a personal failure.
4. Respond to shame and identity questions
Uncertainty can affect a client’s sense of who they are. They may feel less competent, less resilient, less useful or less themselves.
Listen for shame language:
- “I should be coping.”
- “I’m letting people down.”
- “I’m not normally like this.”
- “Other people seem to be managing.”
These statements deserve careful attention. The coach can gently help the client move from self-attack to self-compassion.
Possible questions include:
- “What would you say to a friend in this situation?”
- “What are you expecting of yourself right now?”
- “What qualities are still present in you, even in this difficult moment?”
Neff’s work on self-compassion highlights the value of self-kindness, shared humanity and mindful awareness when people are suffering (Neff, 2011). Coaches can support this by helping clients relate to themselves with more warmth and realism.
5. Name what is present and move in small steps
When clients feel overwhelmed, large goals can feel unreachable. Small steps can restore agency.
First, help the client name what is happening:
- “If you had to put a word to this feeling, what would it be?”
- “What are the main thoughts circling at the moment?”
- “What feels most important to separate out?”
Then support movement through small, realistic steps:
- “What would move things forward by one point?”
- “What is one conversation, one piece of information or one action that would help?”
- “What is the smallest useful experiment?”
Solution-focused coaching reminds us that change often begins with noticing movement and taking small concrete steps (O’Connell et al., 2012).
6. Prioritise trust and rapport
When someone brings emotional strain into coaching, a transactional style can feel misattuned. The client may need a more relational space before they are ready to work practically.
This means shifting from:
- “What do we need to cover today?”
towards:
- “What feels most present for you today?”
It means listening deeply, slowing down, attuning to the client’s emotional state and allowing the relationship to become a place where the client can think more freely.
Person-centred coaching psychology emphasises the importance of presence, empathy, acceptance and relational depth as foundations for change (Joseph & Bryant-Jefferies, 2019).
7. Challenge with care
Challenge still has a place when clients are under strain, but it needs to be well-timed, well-contracted and held within trust.
A coach might validate first, then invite challenge:
- “I can hear how painful this is. Would you be open to a gentle challenge?”
- “I wonder whether there is another way to look at this. Shall we explore that?”
- “Part of me wants to ask whether the expectation you are holding of yourself is fair. Would that be okay?”
Good challenge helps clients face reality with compassion. It is not about pushing harder. It is about supporting the client to see more clearly while feeling accompanied.
Day (2020) highlights the importance of balancing challenge and support in coaching. When emotionalstrain is present, the balance needs particular care.
8. Hold the present and the possible at the same time
One of the most powerful things a coach can do is hold a bifocal view.
This means being fully present to the client’s current reality while also holding confidence in their capacity, resourcefulness and potential.
For example:
- The client may feel lost, but the coach does not reduce them to their lostness.
- The client may feel overwhelmed, but the coach remembers that they are more than this moment.
- The client may not yet see a way forward, but the coach can listen for small signs of energy, values, meaning and possibility.
This is not rushing the client into optimism. It is holding a wider truth: the person is both where they are now and more than where they are now.
That stance can be deeply stabilising.
When clients are facing emotional strain, skilled coaching is warm, boundaried, psychologically aware and gently structured. It helps people feel safe enough to tell the truth, supported enough to stay with what is difficult, and steady enough to begin moving again.
References
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes: Strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, and confusing times in your life (2nd ed.). Da Capo Press.
Day, I. (2020). Balancing challenge and support in coaching. In J. Passmore (Ed.), The coaches’ handbook: The complete practitioner guide for professional coaches (pp. 153–162). Routledge.
Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley.
Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.
Joseph, S., & Bryant-Jefferies, R. (2019). Person-centred coaching psychology. In S. Palmer & A. Whybrow (Eds.), Handbook of coaching psychology: A guide for practitioners (2nd ed., pp. 131–142). Routledge.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
O’Connell, B., Palmer, S., & Williams, H. (2012). Solution focused coaching in practice. Routledge.
