Part 2 of 5 in a series on Coaching Through Uncertainty and Emotional Strain
About this series
This five-part series on Coaching Through Uncertainty and Emotional Strain explores how coaches working across a range of settings and sectors can support clients when life feels unstable, emotionally demanding or uncertain. It offers practical, psychologically informed ways to create safety, work with what is present, support steadiness, and help people reconnect with agency before moving into action.
What Clients Carry Beneath the Surface of Uncertainty
In coaching, what a client brings on the surface is not always the whole story.
They may bring a decision they cannot make, a goal they cannot seem to move towards, a conflict they are avoiding, a habit they are struggling to change, or a sense that they are no longer coping as they would like. The presenting issue may sound practical. But beneath it, there may be uncertainty, emotional strain and a reduced sense of agency.
This matters because how the coach understands the client’s state will shape how they work with them.
For example:
- A client who appears avoidant may be overwhelmed.
- A client who appears unfocused may be cognitively overloaded.
- A client who seems passive may be experiencing reduced agency.
- A client who seems emotional may be trying to process loss, pressure, identity disruption or shame.
- A client who says, “I don’t know where to start,” may not need a better plan immediately. They may first need help to steady themselves enough to see what is possible.
Research helps us understand why this matters. Intolerance of uncertainty is strongly associated with anxiety, depression, emotional distress and difficulties with emotion regulation (McEvoy et al., 2023). Under stress, people may experience reduced cognitive flexibility and find it harder to weigh options or make balanced decisions (Sarmiento et al., 2024). When people feel overwhelmed or powerless, motivation and agency can also be affected; self-determination theory reminds us that autonomy, competence and relatedness are central to motivation and wellbeing (Ryan & Deci, 2017).
In practice, this means that uncertainty does not only affect what people think about. It affects how they think.
A client under strain may experience cognitive narrowing. Their attention may be pulled towards threat, urgency or worry. They may struggle to hold a wider perspective. They may repeat the same thought patterns, move into rumination, or feel unable to consider options that might otherwise be available to them.
They may also experience emotional overload. Anxiety, sadness, anger, grief, shame or exhaustion may be present. Sometimes this shows up visibly as tears, irritability or agitation. Sometimes it shows up more quietly as numbness, flatness, humour, intellectualisation or a sense of shutdown.
Another important experience is loss of coherence. Coherence is the sense that life makes enough sense to be manageable. Under uncertainty, people can lose that thread. They may struggle to understand what is happening, why it matters, who they are in relation to it, and how different parts of their life fit together.
This is often why uncertainty can feel so destabilising. It is not simply that the future is unclear. It is that the person’s sense of themselves in the present may also become unsettled.
This is where shame can enter the conversation.
Clients may say things like:
- “I should be coping better.”
- “Everyone else seems to be managing.”
- “I’m letting people down.”
- “I don’t know why this is affecting me so much.”
- “I’m not usually like this.”
These statements are important. They suggest that the client is not only experiencing difficulty; they may also be judging themselves for having difficulty. They are feeling bad, and then feeling bad about feeling bad.
For the coach, this is a significant moment. If we move too quickly into problem-solving, we may unintentionally miss the deeper emotional meaning of what the client is saying. We may focus on the task when the person needs to be met first.
A psychologically aware coach listens for what is happening beneath the surface. They listen not to diagnose, but to understand. They pay attention to the client’s energy, language, pace, breathing, emotional tone and relationship with themselves.
The coach might gently reflect:
- “It sounds as though you are carrying a great deal, and part of the strain is that you feel you should be managing it differently.”
- “I notice that as you describe the situation, there is also a lot of self-criticism around how you are responding.”
- “Given what you are holding at the moment, it makes sense that clear thinking feels difficult.”
These responses can be powerful because they normalise without minimising. They help the client feel seen. They reduce shame. They open up space for a different relationship with the experience.
This is not about removing responsibility from the client. It is about creating the conditions in which responsibility becomes possible again. People are more able to act when they feel less ashamed, less alone and less trapped in threat.
The coach’s role is to help the client name what is present, understand it with compassion, and begin to reconnect with choice.
That might involve asking:
- “What feels most difficult about this right now?”
- “What does this situation touch in you?”
- “What are you most afraid might happen?”
- “What part of this feels within your influence, even slightly?”
- “What would help you feel one degree steadier?”
These questions are gentle, but they are not passive. They invite emotional awareness, meaning-making and agency.
When clients are carrying uncertainty, the coach’s presence becomes part of the intervention. A calm, boundaried, attentive coaching relationship can help the client regulate, reflect and begin to think again. Perceived social support is strongly associated with better mental and physical health, and safe relationships can help people make meaning during difficult periods (Yeo et al., 2025).
This is why coaching through uncertainty requires more than technique. It requires emotional literacy. It requires the coach to notice when the issue is not simply the client’s goal, but their current capacity to relate to that goal.
The more we understand what clients may be carrying beneath the surface, the better able we are to meet them with skill, warmth and appropriate challenge.
A client may arrive saying, “I don’t know what to do.”
The deeper invitation for the coach may be:
“Help me become steady enough to know what matters.”
References
McEvoy, P. M., Hyett, M. P., Shihata, S., Price, J. E., & Strachan, L. (2023). Intolerance of uncertainty and emotion regulation: A meta-analytic and systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 101, 102270.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.
Sarmiento, L. F., Lopes da Cunha, P., Tabares, S., Tafet, G., & Gouveia, A., Jr. (2024). Decision-making under stress: A psychological and neurobiological integrative model. Brain, Behavior, & Immunity – Health, 36, 100766.
Yeo, G., Lansford, J. E., & Rudolph, K. D. (2025). How does perceived social support relate to human thriving? A systematic review with meta-analyses. Psychological Bulletin, 151(9), 1089–1124.
